Destiny of Harmony
3 2pages Still Writing Adventure Fantasy
Hylian Dragoon
Story Language
Love it!
Library
Start Reading
Translate
The world of Carlono has been in an eternal state of warfare ever since the dawn of the Melarans and Shiloaens, humans who can control the forces of Yin and Yang.  Their constant quarreling has brought misery to all, including a young teen named Keaneth Arteq.  This boy, however, discovers another threat as a result of the war.  Will he and his friends put an end to it and bring peace?
 
Comment

Hylian Dragoon

I'd like as much feedback as possible. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to keep updating this work, but considering that it's summer, I'll try to do weekly updates as consistently as possible. Anyway, I present a small taste of the story I've been working on for years now. I'll take any feedback you guys have, however I'd prefer if you guys kept it respectful and constructive (I'm a bit on the sensitive side in all honesty. XD) I hope you guys enjoy this regardless. Commenttri1
06/25 18:29 Love It 0

lilaclily00

Hello, sir! Guess who it iiis?~

I think the final draft for this chap came out great! I especially love the part where our heroes are talking during lunch. (Ugh. You make me so grateful that people don't spit in my food.) I feel like it shows a lot about the characters right there.

If I may, can I say the speech patterns sometimes confuse me a bit? There's some parts where it seems rather casual for the tone of the scene (like Anguis when he's ordering Zare around) and then others where it seems a bit more formal (like the kids saying "indeed" when otherwise they're pretty much talking like normal teenagers). Of course, how any of them talk don't exactly have to match up entirely with how we 'Muricans talk, but I figured that it's something you could keep in mind.

Aaah! Since I was being a butt yesterday, I haven't gotten to see any of the second chapter, but I'm super excited and nervous about how it'll go! (NO, ANGUIS, LEAVE LILLIAN ALONE!!!)

Until next chap! :3 Commenttri1
06/26 20:44 Love It 1

Kyotsu Shou

A great story even though there are only two chapters out! I enjoy the personalities of the characters so far. You've made out Anguis to be a disgustingly great antagonist!

The only criticism I have is with some of the wording and grammar uses, for example where you have Keaneth's name being introduced but other than the very slight grammar errors I enjoy it! I hope you continue to improve as an author and I look forward to more chapters coming out soon! I'm rooting for you! c:
Commenttri1
08/06 08:56 Love It 1
Do you really want to delete?
Cancel
Delete
Which language will you translate to?
Fanction
  • Write your story
  • Upload image
  • Search
  • My Library
  • My Page
  • User Settings
  • FAQ
  • Sign Up
  • Login
Genre
Story Language
English
©2015 Taskey Inc.
Login

Log in with an SNS account
×
Invite
&
Feedback
Invite Friends
Feedback
Display Language
This changes only the language that taskey is displayed in. It will not change the language of the stories shown to you.
Story Language
This changes only the language of the stories displayed. It will not change the language that taskey is displayed in.
Save
×
Contact
Feedback
※Required
Send
Thank you for using taskey!Please don’t hesitate to give us feedback about taskey.
※Required
For those who require a response, please write your mail address.
Send
s