Destiny of Harmony
3 3pages Still Writing Adventure Fantasy
Hylian Dragoon
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The world of Carlono has been in an eternal state of warfare ever since the dawn of the Melarans and Shiloaens, humans who can control the forces of Yin and Yang.  Their constant quarreling has brought misery to all, including a young teen named Keaneth Arteq.  This boy, however, discovers another threat as a result of the war.  Will he and his friends put an end to it and bring peace?

Hylian Dragoon

I'd like as much feedback as possible. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to keep updating this work, but considering that it's summer, I'll try to do weekly updates as consistently as possible. Anyway, I present a small taste of the story I've been working on for years now. I'll take any feedback you guys have, however I'd prefer if you guys kept it respectful and constructive (I'm a bit on the sensitive side in all honesty. XD) I hope you guys enjoy this regardless. Commenttri1
06/25 18:29 Love It 0


Hello, sir! Guess who it iiis?~

I think the final draft for this chap came out great! I especially love the part where our heroes are talking during lunch. (Ugh. You make me so grateful that people don't spit in my food.) I feel like it shows a lot about the characters right there.

If I may, can I say the speech patterns sometimes confuse me a bit? There's some parts where it seems rather casual for the tone of the scene (like Anguis when he's ordering Zare around) and then others where it seems a bit more formal (like the kids saying "indeed" when otherwise they're pretty much talking like normal teenagers). Of course, how any of them talk don't exactly have to match up entirely with how we 'Muricans talk, but I figured that it's something you could keep in mind.

Aaah! Since I was being a butt yesterday, I haven't gotten to see any of the second chapter, but I'm super excited and nervous about how it'll go! (NO, ANGUIS, LEAVE LILLIAN ALONE!!!)

Until next chap! :3 Commenttri1
06/26 20:44 Love It 1

Kyotsu Shou

A great story even though there are only two chapters out! I enjoy the personalities of the characters so far. You've made out Anguis to be a disgustingly great antagonist!

The only criticism I have is with some of the wording and grammar uses, for example where you have Keaneth's name being introduced but other than the very slight grammar errors I enjoy it! I hope you continue to improve as an author and I look forward to more chapters coming out soon! I'm rooting for you! c:
08/06 08:56 Love It 1
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